Crack den Ceiling Repair. Day two.

Have you ever met one of those wonderful couples that are so incredibly in love that they do things like finish one another's sentences, and say things such as "We never fight".


Thankfully, Dr. Handsome and I are one of those couples who are not such as the above and are not so proud as to shy away from a good relationship building task. In fact, we are so incredible and wonderful that after our last "relationship builder" last year when we attempted to assemble a crib together, we've honed our bickering skill to the point that we know our limit - well before he screwdriver fly's across the room. Well before we take what is said personally, and so once a year, we put our love to the test to see if we've achieved perfect-dom, and attempt something absolutely stupid, such as... 


wallpapering.


So that was yesterday and yesterday is in the past and we're all smarter and happier and brighter and moving forward from yesterday, aren't we? Yes we are.


With babies still sick, still dosing the Gravol, armed with even more wipes and plastic bags and diapers and changes of clothes in tow, I headed over to the house, put Pukey and Poopy down for their respective naps and got to work.


This time, alone.


Now you might be saying to yourself "She's going to hang wallpaper on the ceiling, alone?"


And yes, you're absolutely correct. 


Now while I know you're shaking your head in disbelief, you must understand that things like barbecue and crib assembly, one might be better off doing the work, guided by flexible appendages as supports, rather than attempting team work with someone with whom you must sleep next to and parent with for many, many years ahead. Wallpaper, in my opinion, falls into that same category. As difficult - no - as impossible as it might sound - it is easier in fact, to wallpaper alone, than to wallpaper with your spouse, when you and your spouse are both two people who are always right, but share very different opinions on who in fact, is correct with their approach. (for what it's worth, I'll say right now - that it's my way that is the correct way.)


So to work I went.


What I should have done is set my camera on a tripod on a timer to take photo's of my work in 30 second intervals. There, would be a comedy of errors for us all to laugh at, one by one, each one become more and more ridiculous than the last, like Sunday night's on America's Funniest Home Videos, the dog with the sunglasses on his arse and then the dad getting whacked in the yarbles by the son and then the kid barrelling down a hill on his bike when the front wheel slips from it's quick release. 


If you can picture it, there I was. Standing on my scaffolding, wet roll of wallpaper in hand. In my mouth held an open Xacto knife, blade out about 4", tucked under my chin was a smoothing brush and between my knees a scraper. Across my shirt, held a half dozen or so pieces of 2" long strips of painters masking tape and deep down, beyond the recesses of my atria of my warm little heart was that little train, chugging away "I think I can... I think I can..."


Holding the wet paper to the ceiling with my head, I used my fingers to line up the pattern against the now dried paper from last night and slowly, slowly, knife in mouth, I backed up, unrolling as I went.
Down dropped the brush. Insert mumbled expletive.
Back up a few feet, unroll, unroll, carefully line up paper pattern... you're doing a good job, careful, careful.... you have a knife in your mouth... unroll, unroll - dammit, the pattern is off. Move forward. Drop scraper. Mumble expletive. Re roll paper, slowly, slowly... unroll, unroll, smooth with hand, smooth again PERFECTION! Tape section in place with masking tape. Repeat until you reach the end of scaffolding and then with all of your 118lbs, knife still in mouth, begin rocking your body back and forth until you gain enough momentum to get the scaffolding (which by the way has the worst casters on the face of the earth) rolling the remaining four feet across the room and continue what you were doing.


And repeat. And repeat again, when all of the paper (which was too wet, and I knew it) sags and sags and sags all of the way off of the span of ceiling on to your head.


And so it went, for three hours.


I have done some very exciting things in my lifetime, stories of which I will regale my children with when they have come of age, but this one, this one - is up there in my top ten of great things I've done. In fact, when I die, I want this included in my obituary "Hung wallpaper on the ceiling by herself".


So proud of myself I was and still am. In those three hours I laid a FULL TWO STRIPS OF WALLPAPER. If you break that down, it took me about 2 minutes per inch of paper that I rolled. By gosh darn it, I did it, all by myself and it didn't look to terrible in the end. By the time my fevered children woke from their naps, vomiting again, and soaked in their own excrement needing baths and Tylenol, I was beaming with pride for what I had accomplished. 


And while you may still be sitting there, shaking your head - all I can say is that by doing tasks like these alone, might be harder, but it brings Dr. Handsome and I closer to being one of those couples who are so contrite to say "We never fight"...


Photos soon to follow. <3